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So You’re in a Relationship With a Challenge…

 

As I am writing this, the song “Why are there boundaries” by FKJ started playing on shuffle and I can’t think of anything more Challenge than that. They live with the notion that boundaries are meant to be pushed and they live with this zest for doing things differently – including in relationships. This zest has a lot of potential for fun and a lot of potential for conflict.

There seems to be a lot of preconceived ideas and thoughts around what it means to be someone with the WHY of Challenge, and what it means to be the significant other of someone with the WHY of Challenge. This does NOT mean the relationship itself is a Challenge, but it does mean that they take a little more understanding than others if you want it to be long lasting.

There are a few quirks to be aware of when your significant other has the WHY of Challenge – because they see the world so differently than the rest of us. They don’t see the world through a normal looking glass, they see the world through many different lenses, in all of the colors of the rainbow, and they see a world of possibilities. They don’t understand how anyone could be okay with the same routine, with following a recipe to a tee, with needing to be on time, with needing to dress normal, or with being, in their eyes, boring. This can cause some conflict if you are, say, someone with the WHY of Right Way. Understanding that your significant other will probably never do things the normal or “right” way, is important, and if you can see this as their gift rather than “wrong” that is what will make your relationship successful. Understanding that consistency may not be their strong suit is another pillar of being in a relationship with a Challenge. This can lead to many spontaneous adventures in life but can also lead to frustration if you were relying on them for something specific.

“What sets you apart can sometimes feel like a burden and it’s not. And a lot of the time, it’s what makes you great.”

-Emma Stone

Now, no part of seeing the world differently is a burden, nor should it feel like that. Once you know their WHY is Challenge, you can see how this can make them special and how this is a gift. There is no such thing as normal, which means there is no such thing as a dull moment. They are always the life of the party, and have a magnetic pull on them because of their unique energy. They don’t embarrass easily, because what fun would that be? So they are usually out there dancing, laughing, and then ready for the next spontaneous adventure.

More than anything, it is important to articulate your WHY to your significant other as well as know that they have this unique WHY of Challenge. The ability to and power of speaking WHY to WHY is unmatched with this WHY, because probably more than any other WHY, you should expect the unexpected.

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So You’re in a Relationship With a Right Way…

When in a relationship with someone with the WHY of Right Way, there is a right way and a wrong way to handle them – go figure. Because of this, they can be similar to those with the WHY of Trust, and tend to have Trust in their WHY.os (WHY operating system or WHY, HOW,  and WHAT).

Similar to Trust?

Right Way people do very well in a relationship where there is reliability and a system in place. Trust is often a part of that system because that is the right way to do things within a relationship. Right ways often have a set of standards that must be met in a relationship and they are unwilling to bend or stretch them at all. Which is great when it comes to being on time, being reliable, and being someone you can count on to do what they say they are going to do. They do well with those with the WHY of Trust for this reason, because someone with the WHY of Trust will also do what they say they are going to do. If you were to show up 30 minutes late, a Right Way would deem this unacceptable in their eyes.

Stubborn or Systematized?

Something a lot of Right Ways can struggle with is admitting when they are wrong. Often they are so set in their ways because they have found systems that work for them – systems that are the right way – and they KNOW that these systems work. Often Right Ways have spent years developing their own systems that work for them and to offer up another option will probably cause more harm than good. Why would they try something else when they know for a fact their way works for them? This can cause a bit of a stubborn head and less space for wiggle room. If you are their significant other you just have to realize they are doing their “Right Way” thing, they’ve found a way that works for them, and maybe it’s scary to venture out of their comfort zone. You must learn to support them in this, pick your battles, and compromise.

You Can Count on Them!

Rules, boundaries and standards are very important to those with the WHY of Right Way. So if you have been chosen to date them, you can be sure they have vetted you, thought through this completely and have still decided this is the right decision for them. They are usually very committed to the relationship and making it work. Right Ways are also very great at planning a well thought out and structured vacation. They are great decision makers and will voice exactly what they do or do not want to do. Right Ways typically do not love spontaneity. Consistency, predictability, and reliability is key. Which in a relationship is good for you because you can always count on them, you can count on what they say as true, and on their actions to match.

All in all, a relationship with a Right Way may cause the need to be a little more flexible and willing to compromise, but you will have a partnership that you can count on till the end of time!

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So You’re In a Relationships With a Trust…

I write to you as someone with the WHY of Trust. As I am typing this I am having trouble finding the words because I don’t know who all will be reading this, if I can Trust them, or if I even should be divulging information that one could potentially use for evil. But here it goes anyway…

Trust vs. trust

When anyone is asked what is important to them in a significant other, they will often use the words “trust” or “loyalty”, and while most people would agree that it’s important – there is a difference between that quality in someone and it being their WHY. With the WHY of trust, trust becomes a different animal. It becomes something that is very black and white. It is something that can be lost or begin to fade because of small things, not just because of the obvious things that cause loss of trust in a relationship.

Things you may not realize are important

If you are in a relationship with someone who has the WHY of Trust there are certain things that can cause loss of trust overtime that you may not even realize, things that you may think are no big deal. If you are not on time, or cancel plans often, this may feel like no big deal to you and you don’t understand why it would upset them or cause them to retreat but – it’s you showing signs of distrust to them. They are only protecting themselves from bigger let downs and they need people who show up and do what they say they are going to do. If they had a plan lined up and you suddenly change plans on them this can cause the same reaction. Another thing to note is they are usually pretty agreeable people and may say “no, it’s fine, another time” but the more times they have to say that the more difficult it will be to repair.

What you can do

To someone with the WHY of trust – it is ALL about the relationship, the bond, the closeness. It is important that they feel they know you, all the nuances of you, all the details of your day, and that if you can share that with them – they too can share themselves. To someone with the WHY of Trust it is all about the little things. They don’t need something super flashy, they just want you to show you care and love them with little things. Maybe a little love note saying to have a good day, or you saw their favorite snack while at the store and got it for them. They want to know that they are top of mind to you because you are top of mind to them. I do believe that reassurance is important as well when it comes to Trust. I also believe it is important the reassurance is verbalized and not just “they know how I feel…” I think communication is very important and it is important that it isn’t surface level.

When you are in a relationship with someone with the WHY of Trust they usually have quite a bit of emotional endurance from a past of it being broken, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t sensitive at the core. When there is Trust – the sky is the limit and you are lucky to be with someone who will put you first, who will be your number one teammate, and who will never break your trust!

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So You’re in a Relationship With a Contribute…

Well aren’t you one of the lucky ones! Being in a relationship with a Contribute is truly a blessing. They will give and give and still be ready to give more. They will pour their whole souls into the relationship and put the other person ahead of themselves at all times.



Contributes have a knack for nurturing a relationship. They want to help it grow and flourish and will do whatever it takes to ensure that you feel happy and are a priority.



If you are one of the lucky ones to be dating a Contribute, and if your WHY is not Contribute, make sure you are not just taking, but also giving back to them. While they may be uncomfortable in accepting gestures or accepting the contribution, they deserve it. Make sure that they are also taken care of and not being taken advantage of. They have the tendency to give until there’s nothing left in the tank – this can leave them exhausted and feeling under-appreciated. It is important to note that even a small gesture can mean the world to them – something as small as leaving love note or their favorite snack on the table.



When in a relationship with a Contribute you will always have fun. As they are willing to do whatever and roll with the punches as long as everyone is having a good time. Cherish this relationship and don’t forget to give love to your Contribute today!

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Simply Simple

Simplify

Is

Making

People’s

Lives

Easier.

In a world where everything is chaotic and nothing is uncomplicated there are heroes among us. They may not wear capes, and they may not be in the Marvel films, but they’re there. They may not have biceps the size of Mount Rushmore or the jawline of Hercules but they are there to save us. They exist to take our pandemonium and disorganization and create ease.


These people will see a complicated way of doing something and turn it into a quick step or two. They will quickly be able to formulate a useful and understandable thought or concept for any task. If you need to be rescued from a complex thought, a complex math problem, a disorganized closet or refrigerator, those with the WHY of Simplify are here to help.


The thought of disorganization, clutter, or complexity makes little sense to them. Why would you need so many steps, so many different pairs of shoes, so many details when you could only possibly use parts of it? They find what is necessary, and get rid of the unnecessary. Thank you Simplify’s for keeping it simple and not letting us get too wild out there.

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Are We Clear?

“Every Clarification breeds new questions.”

-Arthur Bloch

If you or someone you know has ever been personally victimized by the never ending questions of a Clarify, say “aye!”


I kid, I kid.


People with the WHY of Clarify cannot move forward with the task at hand until they are clear. For those of us with the ability to problem solve quickly on our own, it can feel like you are frozen in time answering their questions. However, clarifiers are able to carefully put one foot in front of the other with self-assurance – the certainty that the rest of us may not have when moving so swiftly. Their uncanny ability to ask a lot of questions can be time consuming, but the confidence that they have in their next move is unmatched.


 Not only will they ask many questions, but they also want to make sure that you fully understand as well. Because they know when things aren’t clear, when they are murky, things may not be done in the proper way. They need you to hear what they are saying, and repeat it back to them in the same manner so they know that you really get it.


The world needs people with the WHY of Clarify so that projects, visions, businesses, and communications are all crystal clear. It may be time consuming to get to that perfect clarity, but it can be well worth the wait.

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A Quick Look at an In-Depth WHY

“I learned no detail was too small. It was all about the details.”
-Brad Grey

Mastery. This is a rare WHY. One of the most rare WHYs, in fact. The animal that is Mastery is an impressive one. Doing something halfway is not an option for them and skimping on the details is unheard of.

Mastery is such a particular WHY that it is easy to see if it is truly in someone’s WHY.os (WHY, HOW, or WHAT). These people will dive deeper than anything you’ve experienced before. Their breadth of knowledge and desire to learn every nuance is other-worldy.

Those with the WHY of Mastery will find something as simple as bread making and become obsessed. They will try different methods, different measurements, different recipes, different temperatures, different cooking times, and anything possible to perfect the perfect loaf and get that perfect flakey crunch. Whereas the rest of us will look up a recipe and be satisfied with a loaf that rises at all. Those with the WHY of Mastery take this depth into their specific interests, loves, and curiosities of life. They may not desire this much detail for every aspect of their lives but only for what they truly have their eye and mind set on. And even with this incredible attention to detail, they may still feel they have so much to learn and yet to perfect it.

If you or someone you know has the WHY of Mastery or Mastery in their WHY.os, learn from them, for they are sponges of knowledge and see life through a multi-faceted lens.

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Breaking Through Your Terror Barrier

Post Written By: John Livesay 

What terrifies you?

Is it public speaking? Is it failing in front of your friends? Is it calling or reaching out to someone you don’t know?

Research shows that many people have a fear of public speaking. Turns out, there is a word for it! Glossophobia! 

My friend Steve Rohr, wrote a book called “Scared Speechless” and when I interviewed him on my podcast, he said that this fear is instinctual. When we are in front of other people we are separate from the herd and we fear being attacked. 

What about the fear of failing or looking “stupid” in front of your friends or co-workers? This fear stems from the need to be perfect at everything you do, even when you are trying something new for the first time. 

Finally the fear of calling someone “important” or powerful to see if they want to hire you, talk with you, or even buy something from you. Recently, a client said they were facing the “Terror Barrier” of not feeling good enough to even reach out to a new prospective client. 

We dug a little deeper and found out that the barrier can be broken down when you let go of the real fear, which is the fear of rejection. What causes the fear of getting rejected? 

When we get a “NO,” we think it means “No forever.” What if it just means “No now”?

When we get rejected we start to reject ourselves and what we are selling. What if we reframe that to “I never reject myself or doubt my abilities. No matter what the outcome.”

No matter what terrifies you, here are the three solutions to any fear:
  1. You control your thoughts. You are the thinker thinking the thoughts. When you feel fear in your body, ask yourself, “What if I am just excited, versus scared?” They feel very similar; we can rename it. 
  2. Tell yourself you are enough and what you have to offer is valuable. Instead of being intimidated to reach out to someone new, tell yourself you are doing them a favor. “This is their lucky day to be hearing from me.”
  3. What other people think about you is none of your business! Let go of having to be a perfectionist at anything. Instead, think of yourself as a progressionist that celebrates your progress. When your identity is so strong that results don’t make you go up and down the self-esteem roller coaster, you are free to overcome any fear that has been holding you back. The next time you feel any form of fear, just tell yourself “I’m safe and fearless.”