Tag: relationships

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WHY

So You Work With a Trust…

 

 

If you’ve been following the WHY blog for a while you know that my WHY is Trust. This could be why my Trust related blogs seem to gain the most traction, but I digress. If you work with someone with the WHY of Trust, there are a few things that I want to make you aware of…

 

Firstly, let’s talk about the elephant in the room, we have the WHY of Trust because we have thick skin but deep down can be hurt easily. If you are critiquing their work, make sure you let them know that this is just to help them and not because you can’t count on them to do it. If someone with the WHY of Trust feels that you don’t believe they can do the task at hand or the project – they will either be extremely offended or hurt which in turn can damage that working relationship in the future.

 

Secondly, due dates, now I do most of my best work under the pressure clock, others may not work this way, but if a coworker were to ask a Trust over and over again if something will get done by a certain date it can make them feel as if they don’t trust them to get it done. If you have a coworker with the WHY of Trust, just know, they WILL get it done and you do not have to worry. We can’t bare the thought of letting someone down.

 

On that note, if you are their coworker and do not have the WHY of Trust, they are counting on you to be there and do what you say you are going to do also, to pull your own weight. They believe it is about the relationship, the give and the take, and the combined effort. Do not be wishy washy with them or that Trust will continuously diminish until it is gone.

 

On a different note, something that can be important to note, is those with the WHY of Trust do believe that relationships are some of the most important things in the world to them, including in the work place. They will take the time to be your friend, to ask you questions about your life, and to grab coffee outside of work. For others they prefer to keep work relationships strictly about work, but this can be hard for those with the WHY of Trust to separate. They truly care about people and who they see/talk to on a day to day basis. And when a team member leaves the workplace suddenly, without talking to them about it first, it can feel blindsiding to them.

 

All in all, if you work with a Trust, you have someone you can rely on, someone who is loyal to the company, and someone you can call a friend.

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WHY

So You’re in a Relationship with a Clarify…

“Because answers exist only to questions…”
-Mungara Tarou Krishnamurti

If you are in a relationship with someone with the WHY of Clarify that quote probably hits home.  Those with the WHY of Clarify need to be completely clear and need to have answers to their questions if they are going to move forward. Although making sure they are clear is important, hence the questions, they also need to make sure you fully understand as well. This is very important to them in order to keep everyone on the same page and avoid upsets.

Now, we all knew that person in class who asked endless questions and we wished they would just let the teacher, the class, and everyone move on. Looking back, they probably had the WHY of Clarify. Now, dating this person can be tricky at times because if you don’t need a lot of information to move forward – like Simplify or Make Sense – then this may be frustrating for you. This is when you must ask your Clarifying significant other what they actually need from you to be clear.  Knowing your significant other has the WHY of Clarify is important because they often go above and beyond in explanations with metaphors, analogies, and stories to make sure you understand. If you don’t see this quirk as a positive then it may be overbearing.

Being in a relationship with someone with the WHY of Clarify has a lot of positive as well. In making sure you both are clear, they are making sure you are both on the same page, they are making sure you are a team. This can lead to little misunderstandings and the ability to move forward within the relationship both positively and confidently. As well, you will always know where they stand, that they are clear on the relationship, their decisions, and they’ve thought everything through. If they haven’t you’ll know – because there will be questions!

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WHY

So You’re in a Relationship with a Simplify…

 

One would assume being in a relationship with someone with the WHY of Simplify would result in… a simple relationship. But just because their WHY is Simplify – doesn’t mean that will jive with your WHY. It does not mean it will be simple.

If you have seen the movie Inside Out, do you remember the part at the beginning when they say, “Do you ever look at someone and wonder what is going on inside their head?” I often find when interacting with someone with the WHY of Simplify – it is hard to tell what they are thinking when they give such short, direct, and simple answers. As someone with the WHY of Trust and building relationships, I find myself wanting a little more substance than a “yes” or “no” response. If you don’t have the WHY of Simplify, you may find yourself wanting a bit more information as well.

It is important to understand that your significant other isn’t being rude, short, or unwilling to open up. They just simply live life in a simple format, including how they speak. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care either, they just believe it is the most effective way to communicate and that “fluff” isn’t necessary.

There are many positives to being in a relationship with a Simplify as well. There is usually minimal drama, and a minimal need for attention as that can often feel too excessive and extra. They are happy with the simplicities in life and finding joy in the small things. They are generally easy going and find it easy to agree on decisions. Date nights will be simple, fun, and all about the two of you!

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WHY

So You’re in a Relationship with a Mastery…

 

“You are not in a hurry. You prefer a holistic approach. You look at the object of study from as many angles as possible, giving your thoughts added dimensions” – Robert Greene.

Getting into the frame of mind of someone with the WHY of Mastery is already hurting my head. But alas, here I go, with classical music swirling through the air. At least that’s what I imagine those with the WHY of Mastery would be playing whilst writing a blog. They would also probably use words like “whilst”, because I surely never do.

The Details

If you are in a relationship with someone with the WHY of mastery you know, they are rarely in a hurry to finish a project. They are meticulous about every detail, every fiber, and every bit of what they are working on to the nth degree. Now, that doesn’t mean they do this with everything. Only with what they are truly invested in or interested in, at that point. For instance, if their new obsession is pottery, they will learn every thing there is to know about it, read about it, study it, and stay up late watching videos on it. If they do not have interest in dishes, for instance, they will not be meticulous or “masterful” in that. Their mastery is not in every subject or every matter, it is in what has their attention. This is important for a significant other to understand. To understand and encourage their partner in their studious and obsessive (in a good way) behavior.

The Smaller Details

Those with the WHY of mastery are very great in relationships when the minute details are important to both parties. Mastery people relish in the small details. The details of gifts, a letter, a special event or surprise for their loved one. They will pick out the most intricate bottle of wine for the moment. One they have done extensive research one, one that was perhaps near a winery near where you first met. When their significant other can appreciate these little intricacies, and the care and detail they put into them, the relationship will flourish.

Turmoil in the Details

If you are less interested in details and potentially the obsessions that those with the WHY of mastery may acquire, you may find some trouble in this relationship. If you prefer for things to get to the point and remain at the bare bones or bullet points, this may be hard for you to understand their long, in-depth explanations. Mastery is truly rare and it is easy for them to be misunderstood because of their absorption and obsession with the minute.

A Rare Find

If you are in a relationship with someone with the WHY of mastery, be sure you encourage their breadth, depth, and thirst for knowledge and deeper understanding. They are scarce on this earth, and have a lot to share with the world, and bring to your relationship.

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So You’re in a Relationship With a Challenge…

So you're in a relationship with a Challenge..
  As I am writing this, the song “Why are there boundaries” by FKJ started playing on shuffle and I can’t think of anything more Challenge than that. They live with the notion that boundaries are meant to be pushed and they live with this zest for doing things differently – including in relationships. This zest has a lot of potential for fun and a lot of potential for conflict. There seems to be a lot of preconceived ideas and thoughts around what it means to be someone with the WHY of Challenge, and what it means to be the significant other of someone with the WHY of Challenge. This does NOT mean the relationship itself is a Challenge, but it does mean that they take a little more understanding than others if you want it to be long lasting. There are a few quirks to be aware of when your significant other has the WHY of Challenge – because they see the world so differently than the rest of us. They don’t see the world through a normal looking glass, they see the world through many different lenses, in all of the colors of the rainbow, and they see a world of possibilities. They don’t understand how anyone could be okay with the same routine, with following a recipe to a tee, with needing to be on time, with needing to dress normal, or with being, in their eyes, boring. This can cause some conflict if you are, say, someone with the WHY of Right Way. Understanding that your significant other will probably never do things the normal or “right” way, is important, and if you can see this as their gift rather than “wrong” that is what will make your relationship successful. Understanding that consistency may not be their strong suit is another pillar of being in a relationship with a Challenge. This can lead to many spontaneous adventures in life but can also lead to frustration if you were relying on them for something specific.
“What sets you apart can sometimes feel like a burden and it’s not. And a lot of the time, it’s what makes you great.” -Emma Stone
Now, no part of seeing the world differently is a burden, nor should it feel like that. Once you know their WHY is Challenge, you can see how this can make them special and how this is a gift. There is no such thing as normal, which means there is no such thing as a dull moment. They are always the life of the party, and have a magnetic pull on them because of their unique energy. They don’t embarrass easily, because what fun would that be? So they are usually out there dancing, laughing, and then ready for the next spontaneous adventure. More than anything, it is important to articulate your WHY to your significant other as well as know that they have this unique WHY of Challenge. The ability to and power of speaking WHY to WHY is unmatched with this WHY, because probably more than any other WHY, you should expect the unexpected.
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Uncategorized WHY

So You’re in a Relationship With a Right Way…

When in a relationship with someone with the WHY of Right Way, there is a right way and a wrong way to handle them – go figure. Because of this, they can be similar to those with the WHY of Trust, and tend to have Trust in their WHY.os (WHY operating system or WHY, HOW,  and WHAT).

Similar to Trust?

Right Way people do very well in a relationship where there is reliability and a system in place. Trust is often a part of that system because that is the right way to do things within a relationship. Right ways often have a set of standards that must be met in a relationship and they are unwilling to bend or stretch them at all. Which is great when it comes to being on time, being reliable, and being someone you can count on to do what they say they are going to do. They do well with those with the WHY of Trust for this reason, because someone with the WHY of Trust will also do what they say they are going to do. If you were to show up 30 minutes late, a Right Way would deem this unacceptable in their eyes.

Stubborn or Systematized?

Something a lot of Right Ways can struggle with is admitting when they are wrong. Often they are so set in their ways because they have found systems that work for them – systems that are the right way – and they KNOW that these systems work. Often Right Ways have spent years developing their own systems that work for them and to offer up another option will probably cause more harm than good. Why would they try something else when they know for a fact their way works for them? This can cause a bit of a stubborn head and less space for wiggle room. If you are their significant other you just have to realize they are doing their “Right Way” thing, they’ve found a way that works for them, and maybe it’s scary to venture out of their comfort zone. You must learn to support them in this, pick your battles, and compromise.

You Can Count on Them!

Rules, boundaries and standards are very important to those with the WHY of Right Way. So if you have been chosen to date them, you can be sure they have vetted you, thought through this completely and have still decided this is the right decision for them. They are usually very committed to the relationship and making it work. Right Ways are also very great at planning a well thought out and structured vacation. They are great decision makers and will voice exactly what they do or do not want to do. Right Ways typically do not love spontaneity. Consistency, predictability, and reliability is key. Which in a relationship is good for you because you can always count on them, you can count on what they say as true, and on their actions to match.

All in all, a relationship with a Right Way may cause the need to be a little more flexible and willing to compromise, but you will have a partnership that you can count on till the end of time!

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WHY

So You’re in a Relationship With a Better Way…

Better Ways are an interesting one. They can be a lot of fun, and they can also be a great challenge. Like any WHY, there are plenty of the good with the bad, but understanding them is what is most important for a lasting relationship. They are usually very success driven and have a lot of big plans for their lives – the question is if they can manage to put their significant other first in those plans or not. Because they are often so motivated by success and bettering themselves, relationships and romance can take a back seat at times. However, in the moments when they do show such care and love, it is important to nurture those moments and really enjoy them.

Something I’ve seen is that Better Ways are often hard to tie down at first – it may of caused you a lot of convincing to finally get your significant other to settle down. This can come from the possibility that they are always looking for the next best thing and being in search of that, can cause a lot of indecision.

What to do, what to do…

Speaking of indecision, when dating a better way you may notice they struggle to make plans at times. What to do for a special event, what to give as a gift, what to do for an upcoming celebration, planning a vacation or trip, even what to pick for dinner can often be a difficult task if they don’t already know the best thing on the menu. The idea that they may land on a decision and there could be a better option out there can drive their mind wild.

Adventure is Out there!

There are many positives to dating someone with the WHY of better way, there is never a dull moment. They are often full of energy and live life with a lot of curiosity. That curiosity means they are always looking for the next big adventure, the next best restaurant, the next best thing to do. Often times, idle time is not an option. Which if you are also always down to try new things and rarely sit still, this can be a lot of fun for you too!

Another positive of dating a Better Way, is that you will get a lot of free advice! Maybe you didn’t ask for it, but they are only trying to help you come to the best decision. When they are offering up an alternative that they believe is better, they are doing it to help you. This is valuable to know about who you are in a relationship with because not only will you see what they’re doing when they offer advice but you’ll understand it is their way of sharing themselves with you, a little piece of their knowledge.

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WHY

So You’re In a Relationship With a Make Sense…

So there we were. Me, a Trust, just wanting to be heard and listened to while sharing what happened during my day. However, what he heard, was an opportunity to try and solve the problem. I was only sharing my frustration with a coworker and he immediately began to divulge routes I could take to solve this. The desire to solve problems is compulsive for someone with the WHY of Make Sense. It is their gift to the world, and is important to understand that, even though this may not be what you are asking for in that moment.

Sometimes all you need is a little support

At times they may seem a little bit more rigid than they mean to be. Because Make Sense people are so intelligent they may not understand why someone else isn’t “getting it” when it came so easy for them. This can cause some friction in relationships when they are spelling out something for you and you may not be understanding or asking for a quick fix, but rather were looking for support. You will need to let them know ahead of time whether what you are telling them requires their help or if this is a venting session – as they simply can’t help themselves from trying to solve. Make sure to remember they aren’t belittling what you are saying or don’t think you can figure it out on your own, they are just trying to help you.

What they provide

In a relationship a Make Sense person does bring a lot to the table. They bring the ability to help, not in a Contribute way, but in their own way. When you and your significant other are planning a vacation, a dinner date, or a concert, be thankful you are in a relationship with a Make Sense. They can quickly come up with a game plan for travel, driving, hotel, put it in a spreadsheet and set it up quickly. The rest of us know this would’ve taken us weeks, 3 liters of tears, and 10 travel agent live chats to complete. But for a Make Sense they do their research, understand it, and map out what needs to happen – badda bing badda boom – done!

I think the most important thing to know when in a relationship with a Make Sense is that they can’t help themselves but try and help you. It is their way of nurturing the relationship, and they aren’t trying to make you feel less than when they’ve solved it before you were even done fully explaining the situation. You will be thankful for this ability many, many times over the course of your relationship. You will be thankful you have them to lean on and that they will do all the hard thinking for you. Make Sense people make a great life partners, taking down one obstacle at a time for the both of you.