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WHY

So You’re in a Relationship with a Clarify…

“Because answers exist only to questions…”
-Mungara Tarou Krishnamurti

If you are in a relationship with someone with the WHY of Clarify that quote probably hits home.  Those with the WHY of Clarify need to be completely clear and need to have answers to their questions if they are going to move forward. Although making sure they are clear is important, hence the questions, they also need to make sure you fully understand as well. This is very important to them in order to keep everyone on the same page and avoid upsets.

Now, we all knew that person in class who asked endless questions and we wished they would just let the teacher, the class, and everyone move on. Looking back, they probably had the WHY of Clarify. Now, dating this person can be tricky at times because if you don’t need a lot of information to move forward – like Simplify or Make Sense – then this may be frustrating for you. This is when you must ask your Clarifying significant other what they actually need from you to be clear.  Knowing your significant other has the WHY of Clarify is important because they often go above and beyond in explanations with metaphors, analogies, and stories to make sure you understand. If you don’t see this quirk as a positive then it may be overbearing.

Being in a relationship with someone with the WHY of Clarify has a lot of positive as well. In making sure you both are clear, they are making sure you are both on the same page, they are making sure you are a team. This can lead to little misunderstandings and the ability to move forward within the relationship both positively and confidently. As well, you will always know where they stand, that they are clear on the relationship, their decisions, and they’ve thought everything through. If they haven’t you’ll know – because there will be questions!

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So You’re in a Relationship With a Challenge…

So you're in a relationship with a Challenge..
  As I am writing this, the song “Why are there boundaries” by FKJ started playing on shuffle and I can’t think of anything more Challenge than that. They live with the notion that boundaries are meant to be pushed and they live with this zest for doing things differently – including in relationships. This zest has a lot of potential for fun and a lot of potential for conflict. There seems to be a lot of preconceived ideas and thoughts around what it means to be someone with the WHY of Challenge, and what it means to be the significant other of someone with the WHY of Challenge. This does NOT mean the relationship itself is a Challenge, but it does mean that they take a little more understanding than others if you want it to be long lasting. There are a few quirks to be aware of when your significant other has the WHY of Challenge – because they see the world so differently than the rest of us. They don’t see the world through a normal looking glass, they see the world through many different lenses, in all of the colors of the rainbow, and they see a world of possibilities. They don’t understand how anyone could be okay with the same routine, with following a recipe to a tee, with needing to be on time, with needing to dress normal, or with being, in their eyes, boring. This can cause some conflict if you are, say, someone with the WHY of Right Way. Understanding that your significant other will probably never do things the normal or “right” way, is important, and if you can see this as their gift rather than “wrong” that is what will make your relationship successful. Understanding that consistency may not be their strong suit is another pillar of being in a relationship with a Challenge. This can lead to many spontaneous adventures in life but can also lead to frustration if you were relying on them for something specific.
“What sets you apart can sometimes feel like a burden and it’s not. And a lot of the time, it’s what makes you great.” -Emma Stone
Now, no part of seeing the world differently is a burden, nor should it feel like that. Once you know their WHY is Challenge, you can see how this can make them special and how this is a gift. There is no such thing as normal, which means there is no such thing as a dull moment. They are always the life of the party, and have a magnetic pull on them because of their unique energy. They don’t embarrass easily, because what fun would that be? So they are usually out there dancing, laughing, and then ready for the next spontaneous adventure. More than anything, it is important to articulate your WHY to your significant other as well as know that they have this unique WHY of Challenge. The ability to and power of speaking WHY to WHY is unmatched with this WHY, because probably more than any other WHY, you should expect the unexpected.
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WHY

So You’re in a Relationship With a Better Way…

Better Ways are an interesting one. They can be a lot of fun, and they can also be a great challenge. Like any WHY, there are plenty of the good with the bad, but understanding them is what is most important for a lasting relationship. They are usually very success driven and have a lot of big plans for their lives – the question is if they can manage to put their significant other first in those plans or not. Because they are often so motivated by success and bettering themselves, relationships and romance can take a back seat at times. However, in the moments when they do show such care and love, it is important to nurture those moments and really enjoy them.

Something I’ve seen is that Better Ways are often hard to tie down at first – it may of caused you a lot of convincing to finally get your significant other to settle down. This can come from the possibility that they are always looking for the next best thing and being in search of that, can cause a lot of indecision.

What to do, what to do…

Speaking of indecision, when dating a better way you may notice they struggle to make plans at times. What to do for a special event, what to give as a gift, what to do for an upcoming celebration, planning a vacation or trip, even what to pick for dinner can often be a difficult task if they don’t already know the best thing on the menu. The idea that they may land on a decision and there could be a better option out there can drive their mind wild.

Adventure is Out there!

There are many positives to dating someone with the WHY of better way, there is never a dull moment. They are often full of energy and live life with a lot of curiosity. That curiosity means they are always looking for the next big adventure, the next best restaurant, the next best thing to do. Often times, idle time is not an option. Which if you are also always down to try new things and rarely sit still, this can be a lot of fun for you too!

Another positive of dating a Better Way, is that you will get a lot of free advice! Maybe you didn’t ask for it, but they are only trying to help you come to the best decision. When they are offering up an alternative that they believe is better, they are doing it to help you. This is valuable to know about who you are in a relationship with because not only will you see what they’re doing when they offer advice but you’ll understand it is their way of sharing themselves with you, a little piece of their knowledge.

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So You’re In a Relationships With a Trust…

I write to you as someone with the WHY of Trust. As I am typing this I am having trouble finding the words because I don’t know who all will be reading this, if I can Trust them, or if I even should be divulging information that one could potentially use for evil. But here it goes anyway…

Trust vs. trust

When anyone is asked what is important to them in a significant other, they will often use the words “trust” or “loyalty”, and while most people would agree that it’s important – there is a difference between that quality in someone and it being their WHY. With the WHY of trust, trust becomes a different animal. It becomes something that is very black and white. It is something that can be lost or begin to fade because of small things, not just because of the obvious things that cause loss of trust in a relationship.

Things you may not realize are important

If you are in a relationship with someone who has the WHY of Trust there are certain things that can cause loss of trust overtime that you may not even realize, things that you may think are no big deal. If you are not on time, or cancel plans often, this may feel like no big deal to you and you don’t understand why it would upset them or cause them to retreat but – it’s you showing signs of distrust to them. They are only protecting themselves from bigger let downs and they need people who show up and do what they say they are going to do. If they had a plan lined up and you suddenly change plans on them this can cause the same reaction. Another thing to note is they are usually pretty agreeable people and may say “no, it’s fine, another time” but the more times they have to say that the more difficult it will be to repair.

What you can do

To someone with the WHY of trust – it is ALL about the relationship, the bond, the closeness. It is important that they feel they know you, all the nuances of you, all the details of your day, and that if you can share that with them – they too can share themselves. To someone with the WHY of Trust it is all about the little things. They don’t need something super flashy, they just want you to show you care and love them with little things. Maybe a little love note saying to have a good day, or you saw their favorite snack while at the store and got it for them. They want to know that they are top of mind to you because you are top of mind to them. I do believe that reassurance is important as well when it comes to Trust. I also believe it is important the reassurance is verbalized and not just “they know how I feel…” I think communication is very important and it is important that it isn’t surface level.

When you are in a relationship with someone with the WHY of Trust they usually have quite a bit of emotional endurance from a past of it being broken, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t sensitive at the core. When there is Trust – the sky is the limit and you are lucky to be with someone who will put you first, who will be your number one teammate, and who will never break your trust!

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So You’re in a Relationship With a Contribute…

Holding hands

Well aren’t you one of the lucky ones! Being in a relationship with a Contribute is truly a blessing. They will give and give and still be ready to give more. They will pour their whole souls into the relationship and put the other person ahead of themselves at all times.

Contributes have a knack for nurturing a relationship. They want to help it grow and flourish and will do whatever it takes to ensure that you feel happy and are a priority.


If you are one of the lucky ones to be dating a Contribute, and if your WHY is not Contribute, make sure you are not just taking, but also giving back to them. While they may be uncomfortable in accepting gestures or accepting the contribution, they deserve it. Make sure that they are also taken care of and not being taken advantage of. They have the tendency to give until there’s nothing left in the tank – this can leave them exhausted and feeling under-appreciated.


It is important to note that even a small gesture can mean the world to them – something as small as leaving love note or their favorite snack on the table.

When in a relationship with a Contribute you will always have fun. As they are willing to do whatever and roll with the punches as long as everyone is having a good time. Cherish this relationship and don’t forget to give love to your Contribute today!