I write to you as someone with the WHY of Trust. As I am typing this I am having trouble finding the words because I don’t know who all will be reading this, if I can Trust them, or if I even should be divulging information that one could potentially use for evil. But here it goes anyway…
Trust vs. trust
When anyone is asked what is important to them in a significant other, they will often use the words “trust” or “loyalty”, and while most people would agree that it’s important – there is a difference between that quality in someone and it being their WHY. With the WHY of trust, trust becomes a different animal. It becomes something that is very black and white. It is something that can be lost or begin to fade because of small things, not just because of the obvious things that cause loss of trust in a relationship.
Things you may not realize are important
If you are in a relationship with someone who has the WHY of Trust there are certain things that can cause loss of trust overtime that you may not even realize, things that you may think are no big deal. If you are not on time, or cancel plans often, this may feel like no big deal to you and you don’t understand why it would upset them or cause them to retreat but – it’s you showing signs of distrust to them. They are only protecting themselves from bigger let downs and they need people who show up and do what they say they are going to do. If they had a plan lined up and you suddenly change plans on them this can cause the same reaction. Another thing to note is they are usually pretty agreeable people and may say “no, it’s fine, another time” but the more times they have to say that the more difficult it will be to repair.
What you can do
To someone with the WHY of trust – it is ALL about the relationship, the bond, the closeness. It is important that they feel they know you, all the nuances of you, all the details of your day, and that if you can share that with them – they too can share themselves. To someone with the WHY of Trust it is all about the little things. They don’t need something super flashy, they just want you to show you care and love them with little things. Maybe a little love note saying to have a good day, or you saw their favorite snack while at the store and got it for them. They want to know that they are top of mind to you because you are top of mind to them. I do believe that reassurance is important as well when it comes to Trust. I also believe it is important the reassurance is verbalized and not just “they know how I feel…” I think communication is very important and it is important that it isn’t surface level.
When you are in a relationship with someone with the WHY of Trust they usually have quite a bit of emotional endurance from a past of it being broken, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t sensitive at the core. When there is Trust – the sky is the limit and you are lucky to be with someone who will put you first, who will be your number one teammate, and who will never break your trust!